Holy Matrimony! According To Donald Wildmon's "Logic," Homosexual Marriage Is Now Legal In All 50 States

I know I spend a lot of time writing about ignorant hypocrites. I honestly just tackle what comes my way. Tomorrow, however, I'll be writing about a pretty cool guy (who just happens to be heterosexual) doing a really cool thing. That's a nice thing to hold until Sunday.

Today is Saturday, though, and I thought you'd appreciate a good laugh. Yup — it's Donny Wildmon and the AFA again. I swear he's trying to put together enough material to publish his own version of the series, "Letters From A Nut."

Sometimes the AFA e-mails escape my attention when they first arrive. Oh, I read them eventually — but a lot of time I have more important things to do from moment to moment than read the lies and delusions of a righteous, misguided holy roller. Such is the case with the note below. It came a few weeks ago, about the time the so-called "Marriage Protection Amendment" was going down in defeat, and has lingered in my "in" box.

But I truly believe God works in mysterious ways. Had I read this a few weeks ago, it might not have seemed as laughable. I might have taken some of it seriously enough to warrant a serious response. But now, weeks after the embarrasing outcome of the debate of Wildmon's pet issue, I'm in the enviable position to post it as some grade-A comic material.

Nevermind the fact that Wildmon employs such overblown hyperbole and overstated threats it would make a third grade writing teacher cringe; instead, focus on what he warns will happen if the measure goes down in defeat. Knowing that's exactly what did happen, lie back and wait for a better day to come for us all — it will be soon!, according to Donny — and think about what he must have felt when he heard the results.

May 28, 2006

Activist Judge Overturns Marriage Laws; Homosexual Marriage Now Legal In All 50 States

...How would you like to wake up one morning and learn that the above headline was the top story in every newspaper in America? That hasn't happened — YET! But gradually, little by little, that is where we are headed. A similar headline will appear in your paper soon unless enough people send a message to their U.S. Senators!

The vote on the Marriage Protection Amendment (sponsored by Sen. Wayne Allard of Colorado), making marriage legal only between one man and one woman, is scheduled for a vote in the Senate June 6.

...How has a small minority of less that 2% been able to force this on the American public? One reason is that those who believe in traditional marriage have been silent.

Some Senators feel they are safe voting against the Marriage Protection Amendment (MPA) by confusing their constituents with a lot of political double talk. Regardless of the political double-talk, remember this: If a Senator votes against the MPA, he or she is in reality voting for homosexual marriage.

Your Senators need to hear from you today! Tell them you want them to vote for the MPA. Let them know that if they refuse to do so you will remember it when election time comes. That is tough language, but the homosexual grip on some Senators is so strong that that is the only language some understand.

Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association

Poor, Donny: So alone, powerless and scared. My heart really goes out to him. If only he'd push his ego aside for one moment and really listen to what God is trying to tell him. He's in my prayers. Honestly — he is.

But he won't ever be moved to do that until he stops lying to himself and his flock. "Less than two percent"? C'mon, Donny, you can't really believe you know better than what most educated people believe and prominent researchers have found. When you tell distortions like this, you don't instill faith in what you're preaching — to anyone. Besides, equality is equality, whether it pertains to a million people or a handful. We don't accord equal rights in this country by "majority rules." If we did, I have a feeling enough folks would step up to squealch your perogative to disseminate such poorly-constructed, simple-minded, easily-refuted arguments. You're kind of a pain in the ass, and I know a lot of people would favor the passage of a "Protection From Pains In The Ass" Amendment.

(By the way, can anyone tell me what the "homosexual grip" is? Does it cause serious sneezing and uncontrollable coughing? You'd think senators would be pushing for a vaccine for this.)